


we've got a lot to learn

by cinderlily



Series: the claire diaries [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 18:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9621263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderlily/pseuds/cinderlily
Summary: It was an interview, an audition of sorts, and it was the one that meant most to Sid that he'd ever done. Screw every interview he'd done with a team. He was hoping to meet his child's mom.





	

  
_'Cause even the stars they burn_  
_Some even fall to the earth_  
_We've got a lot to learn_  
_God knows we're worth it_  
_No, I won't give up_

-Jason Mraz 

Sid couldn't let himself actually hope about anything, so when they met Alexandra, a lovely blonde woman who had a rounded out belly and a gentle smile, he pushed through the urge to look at her stomach at all. Rather he sat with his hat pulled down and his eyes trained on hers, deep blue and warm.

This was _their_ audition, he reminded himself. 

They went through the normal pleasantries, introducing themselves even though Alexandra smiled softly and laughed when they did. She seemed collected and relaxed, which was new for them. The last possible birth mom had been a 19 year old who left halfway through. 

Alexandra had a list, Sid could respect that.

"How long have you two been together?" She asked. 

Geno smiled. "Dating for four year, married over one." 

"Can I ask why you are thinking of kids so soon?" 

"He want full team of kids," Geno laughed, jerking a thumb at Sid, and she joined in. Sid was aware that he was supposed to be a part of this, but his palms were sweating and the tea in his hands was making his body feel like he was overheating, yet he couldn't let it go. 

Alexandra smiled. "I wouldn't mind a bigger family one day."

Which took Sid back for a second, he opened his mouth to ask her why she would give this baby up but thought better of it. It wasn't exactly his right, even if they did get the baby. **The baby**.

His eyes flicked down but then he forced them back up. 

Alexandra looked at him and tilted her head down. "I'm 23 and the dad isn't in the picture. I want a family. I want it on my own terms. She deserves a family. Not a girl who isn't sure how to be a grown-up."

He swallowed hard. "You are ..."

He was going to say 'Grown up' because he was shocked by just how together she was. Even he felt like at 23 he was barely a grown up and he was a Captain and Stanley Cup Winner. But instead, he leaned over and felt his stomach jump. 

"She?"

"Oh shit," she covered her mouth. "I... um. Usually, don't say that... that's not a problem is it?"

Sid's brain went a little hazy again. Images of a little girl running up and down the hallways of their house. Dress up parties and tea parties and the family of the team getting her tutus in Penguin colors. 

"No problem," Geno jumped in, bringing Sid back. "We happy with baby girl. We happy with boy. We happy with baby."

Alexandra relaxed back. 

"How will it work with your careers, if I can ask?"

Sid straightened his back. "We are aware of the facts of our career, but we are working to get our schedule in line. I don't want a nanny raising our children. So we will work to keep it to a minimum. Missed sleep is a factor we prepare for but there will be times sh-- a baby would be with one. Just as little as possible."

"Sid, breathe," Geno's hand landed on his. "Is good question."

"Sorry," Sid exhaled slowly, easing his body into Geno’s touch. One of his biggest fears was they would lose out on children because of who they were. Whether it be fame or time or health, he knew that even with their money it could easily be considered a liability. 

Alexandra smiled, gentle and watched for a long moment. It made Sid just a little anxious but he could feel the rhythm of Geno’s thumb rubbing circles on his wedding band and it was just enough to keep him grounded.

When she spoke again she was looking directly at Sid. “It would’ve been okay if you had answered you would need help. Help is okay. But I like knowing that you want the best for your children.” 

He blushed. “Thanks.” 

It struck him again at just how young she was, how brave she was being in the face of something that he couldn’t even fathom. He had so many questions to ask her, things that he wanted to tell her. He wanted to offer to help her, which was absurd. She didn’t need help, if anything he was the one having a meltdown here. 

“I only have one more question,” she said, a little shyly, looking at the paper in front of her. For the first time he could see her age. The way her hands smoothed the paper nervously. “How willing are you to an open adoption? I wouldn’t want… I don’t think I could see her. At least not at first. But pictures. Letters? And maybe. When she gets to a time where she is ready…” 

Sid and Geno had had this discussion at length. The pros and cons on one of about two hundred pieces of paper that they had regarding kids. Geno had always been more open to it, figuring that everyone deserved to know their journey but Sid had been more hesitant. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that he would be _sharing_ the child with someone. 

Looking at the way Alexandra put the list on the table, at how she had been so brave up until that moment… his mind shifted and the details fell into place. It wouldn’t be sharing her with the birth mother. It would be giving just a fraction of a gift back. Just letting her know how thankful they were at every turn. 

“Of course we’d be open to that,” he said and he could _feel_ the smile on Geno’s face beside him. 

With that simple phrase, her body language changed entirely. It was like a marionette being placed down. Relaxed and relieved and all the things that Sid was seeming to feel. She smiled up at them. 

“Thank you,” she said. 

They exchanged a few more minutes of conversation but it really had been just an audition. They’d been on a half a dozen of them, meeting the woman and then never hearing from them again. It was heartbreaking every single time but he was willing to push through because sometimes it wouldn’t be, he had to hold on to that. 

Right before they left, she stood up (with the help of Geno) and gave an inquisitive smile. “She’s kicking. I guess the tea _might_ have been a bad idea… Do you wanna..?”

She didn’t finish the question, just grabbed the nearest hand, Sid’s and placed it on the upper part of her belly. When nothing happened Alexandra looked at his face and laughed. 

“She’s pretty stubborn, sorry,” she said, and pressed hard down on where they were. 

From behind him, he heard Geno mutter, “Stubborn? She Sid’s already.” 

But the words fell away from him as a tiny kick hit his hand and then again and again. She, _she_ was pushing on his hand like it was a nuisance. He pulled his hand back a little and she moved forward to hit him again. 

“See, she’s up now. At least her foot isn’t in my ribcage,” Alexandra grinned. “Those are always the fun days.”

Sid leaned over a little and stared at the bump. He was thinking of something grand and epic to say to the baby. Something that would mean something even if (when) she wasn’t theirs but all that came out was a stuttering,“Y-y-you should stop hurting your mother.” 

Alexandra and Geno let out joint laughs. Sid stood up and gave a put-upon look at Geno like he could say anything better. 

“I feel?” Geno asked, putting a handout. Alexandra nodded. He put his hand on the same place that Sid had reluctantly given up a few moments earlier. Geno leaned in and spoke in rapid-fire Russian, the soft way he always did when holding a baby. 

All at once it was too much for Sid, so much that he could think of how to say it. He felt his joints stiffen, felt his stomach tighten and looked at Alexandra with his lips barely open. 

“It was nice to meet you,” he said, giving out his hand. She blinked at him, but took his hand and shook his hand slowly. “Good… good luck.” 

He turned and walked towards the door and then out of it, not even checking to see if Geno was in his wake. He felt horrible. He felt like he was the worst type of person, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t be there. With Geno so close, talking to the little human that could be… but wouldn’t be. It had been too close too many times. 

* 

When they didn’t get a call within a week, Sid had decided that he was the one to screw it up. There was no way around it. He was too stiff and formal. He’d basically ran screaming out of the whole building. There was no way that she’d be comfortable with him being the father of her child. 

“Sid,” Geno said, rubbing Sid’s back while they lay in bed. “Sid you over think. Is big decision. She not make overnight. Give her time.” 

Sid knew that was a rational thought process but a week was a week. He’d given her a week and he’d ballsed it up. 

They talked about surrogates so often it was an almost tradition. But Geno had set himself upon adoption early on. Sid didn’t mind either way, but Geno… Well. Geno had been in a lot of orphanages in Russia. He’s seen the babies, he’s played with the kids. Were it not the rather strong band on same-sex marriage adoptions for children, they would probably have three already from one orphanage alone. 

Genetics meant nothing to them. They had money, they had opportunities that a lot of people didn’t. They wanted to adopt so that a child would be able to have a life that was better than being in the system. 

But Sid kept going to the surrogate as time went on and they were matched with people who turned out to either not want them as the parents because of their fame, their sexuality or a combination of both. 

*

When it hit two weeks, well, even Geno had mostly given up. They had another meeting set up in a week or so, one that their lawyer had said was a good lead. A young woman, but not too young. A person who wanted a happy home, had said specifically sexuality wasn’t a problem. 

Sid wasn’t hopeful. 

But then… his cell phone rang. 

“ALEXANDRA- mobile” 

He stared at it for a long moment, his breathing doing this weird syncopated rhythm, almost to the point that he was afraid he was having a break or something. 

“Answer it!” came over his shoulder. He looked back and saw Geno’s eyes wide. They’d never gotten a phone back, except their lawyer to say no. 

He swiped the phone and put it to his ear. “Um. Hello?” 

“Is this Sid?” Alexandra’s voice came over the phone and Sid nodded before he realized how stupid that was. 

He pressed the speakerphone. “It’s both of us. It’s Sid and Geno.”

“Good,” She laughed. “I would assume this is the kind of thing you both want to be a part of.” 

“Yes,” he said. “We would…” 

Alexandra let out a breath. “So you guys busy around June 17th?” 

The answer “ideally” sat on his lips but didn’t go much farther. Whether it be hoisting the cup or the baby or _gd willing_ , both, he would be cursing it by actually saying it. 

“You tell us,” Geno said, a grin so wide on his face that it made Sid’s cheeks hurt in sympathy. 

“I’m hoping that you are free enough to pick up your daughter,” she said, and her voice cracked for the first time on daughter. And yeah. With the use of the word, tears popped into his eyes. 

“Are you...you are … seriously?” Sid asked like this was going to be on a fucked up version of Penguin TV or something. Geno nudged him like he was acting crazy because he totally was. But it didn’t matter. 

She laughed, a little wetly. “Yeah. You guys were the obvious choice. You are caring and giving individuals. I looked you up, I hope you don’t mind. I just… I want her going to a good place. And you seem to have the best place. You would treat her right. Raise her with love.” 

“We promise,” Sid said, solemnly. He was flat out crying and he saw the tears in Geno’s eyes. 

Alexandra cleared her throat and said. “We have to go over paperwork. Could you come by the lawyer’s office soon? We’ll sign it and talk about... Things. Maybe you can go to my next sonogram? I’ll text you times. Does that work?” 

“Yes, yes,” Sid said and wasn’t sure if he’d answered all the questions. 

“Perfect,” she said. “See you soon?” 

“Of course,” he said and then his phone went dead. He turned, halfway, to look at Geno. Geno’s fists were up in a goal celly to rival all. Sid pounced on him. 

Geno laughed and grinned. “Sid, Sid, you ready? We going to be papas.” 

And no, he wasn’t.

At all. 

But he was going to be.


End file.
